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On this date in history AHHHH school starts in... 13 1/2 hours! Oh holy hell. It feels like the beginning of the end. I will wander the halls like a blind woman. Begging for help from nearby strangers. I feel alone. You know, I sometimes wonder if we have guardian angels. If we do, I hope mine's watching me. I wanna go run around my backyard like an escapee from a mental institution...running in never ending circles around trees, skipping over pieces of dog shit, jumping to the sky on my broken trampoline, swinging on branches over my creek...falling in the polluted water, and drifting on my back for hours. Then in the dark night, feeling my way up the bank, and laying in the high grass until morning, and through tomorrow, making pictures out of the clouds above me. But....no. I will make my way through crowded halls, stumble on my untied shoelace, and get trampled on by the hundeds of people running to their destination. I will sit alone in unfamiliar rooms among unfamiliar faces, staring straight ahead, trying not to be noticed...just trying to remian a part of the crowd. And when I throw myself against the bathroom walls, begging to be set free, no one will notice the blood drizzling down to the floor. Yes. High school sounds like paradise. * * * * * I wrote that entry a year ago. Funny how some things don't seem to change. The difference between now and then was that there was a terrible panic inside me last year. Now, I'm almost ok knowing that it's gonna turn out to be shit back at school. Now, my little problems seem a lot less important. And the big problems are so far out of my hands that I can't even begin to try to solve them. Still the same...Can't help wishing my baby were here. -Snub
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